Brnwebgrrl

When I started this blog my 12-year-old was a baby, and I was experimenting with HTML, publishing online and getting over my shyness about sharing publicly what I had previously only ever written in my journal. I continue to keep a written journal that I have written in every day since I was 12. Writing in my journal is an important ritual in my day. Writing this blog and opening up a dialogue with my readers has blessed me beyond measure and really opened up my world.

Brnwebgrrl was my first blog, and I started i before it was actually called blogging. I had what was referred to as a, ‘personal home page,’ or an, ‘online journal.’ I wrote about my life as a single mom, working in a non-profit and trying to heal from the break-up of an eight-year long relationship. My readers encouraged me and made me feel like what I was saying mattered to someone. My first website did not have any kind of built-in commenting function as I had hand-coded the site myself, so my followers just emailed me. Funny how in those days it was safe to put your email address right on your website, right? After awhile I found a commenting widget that I added to the sidebar and my site became more interactive.

I learned and grew and as the technology developed I moved from a free server–fortunepages.com–and bought my own domain name and hosting account. Finally, in 2008 it became clear that hand coding an HTML page by hand made no sense with all of the cool blogging systems available, so I switched over to WordPress and abandoned my old website.

But now it seems that it is time to say farewell to brnwebgrrl. I gave my site that name because when I first got started online in 1996, I was only ever meeting older, white men who were online creating websites and exploring online publishing. But now so many of the dreams I held back then have come true. I’ve got my own successful online business which allows me to do work that I love from home. That business has taken up so much of my life and it deserves my attention because it is my offering to the world and my livelihood. I have been neglecting this blog to the point where it no longer makes sense to keep it up and only post once a month.

About a year ago I finally purchased evelynbourne.com, and that will be the home of my personal blog. I will be writing about what is going on in my life and in my business and on the topic of personal development. My business blog, A Productive Pen will remain and on that blog I will focus on writing and marketing.

So, as this amazing year comes to an end, so does this blog that has been like a close friend to me for the past 12 years. It has been my confidante and it has forced me to break out of my comfort zone and speak what is in my heart. It has allowed me to meet some amazing people and connect on a deep level with others that I may never meet.

As I kiss my girl, brnwebgrrl goodbye, I invite you to stop by my newest blogging project, which is my 31 Intentions Blog. Because 2010 was such a fabulous year for me, I wanted to challenge myself to take a solid month and write a positive intention for each day to set the tone for the coming New Year. I also wanted to express my sincere gratitude for all of the wonderful blessings of the year that has gone by. So, please visit, http://31intentions.evelynbourne.com, and leave a comment. I’m also welcoming guest bloggers who want to share a post about their intentions.

Thank you to everyone who has visited this blog and left encouraging comments. They mean more to me than you know. I covet your continued support with my other blogging projects as I move into another level of greatness in 2011.

I am blessed and honored to be a part of a fabulous group of women who all live and work here in D.C. We get together quarterly for ‘Girls’ Night Out,’ events where we take full advantage of living in this fabulous city that is our nation’s capitol. Last night we had our final GNO of 2010, and we ended the year with a flourish by visiting the White House for the Christmas Open House. It was a lovely evening after these days of bitter, freezing temperatures it was in the 40′s. We walked through the East Wing admiring the decorations and snapping photos every now and then.

There was a live band playing Christmas music and there was an air of happy festivity.

After our White House tour, we walked across the street to Old Ebbet’s Grill for dinner. For each Girls’ Night Out, one member takes on the task of purchasing gifts for everyone. Last night it was Kim’s night to shine. When we arrived at our table, there was a gift bag and a small, white pastry box tied with ribbon at each place setting. While we enjoyed our appetizers, Kim asked each person to look on the tag that was attached to each bag and read the number. As each woman read the number on her bag, she had to sing ther verse to the song, ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ that went with that number. I drew the number seven, so my verse was, ‘seven swans a swimming.’ Then we opened our bags to find a Christmas tree ornament adorned with that number and an image, mine being a swan. We also got a bottle of sparkling wine and Godiva chocolates.

We enjoyed a lovely supper laughing and chatting and catching up with each other. One of the women recently got married in October, so we celebrated her, and we debated some of the hot topics of the day and just enjoyed each other.

I love my sister-girlfriends and I look forward to our next event, which is scheduled for some time in March.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and it’s here once again. My heart is full to overflowing this year, and I want so much to express how thankful I am for everything in my life.

I had a very good year this year. I am healthy and happy and so is my family. My business has taken off–OK let me stop because I could go on and on. I am grateful to be in the abundant flow of the Universe, and I am grateful to be in a position where I can share what I have learned with others.

At the moment I am sitting in my mother’s house getting ready to go and celebrate Thanksgiving with my family tomorrow. Every other year my mom’s family gathers in Massachusetts and we hire a hall and do a big, communal Thanksgiving celebration. There will be over 50 people in attendance. I’m looking forward to meeting my newest baby cousin who was born in October, and I’ll be wishing my grandmother a happy 92nd birthday with one of my special chocolate cakes.

For all of my readers, I wish you a happy, safe and blessed Thanksgiving. Counting your blessings makes you have more blessings to count. Please enjoy this video that I made tonight:

Growing up as a little girl I did not see any images of strong, intelligent, beautiful Black women in the media, which in the late 1970′s had an impact on the way I saw the world. I attended an almost all white, private school. In fact, the first time I attended a class where there were other Black students and a Black teacher was when I attended college at the

University of Oregon. So, I grew up always feeling a bit on the outside of things as a Black girl. All of my friends were white girls. I even remember that the Black dolls that were made in those days were all ugly. We all preferred to play with the white Barbie dolls because they represented the cultural definition of beauty.

While I had what relatives called, “good hair,” (don’t get me started on that) it was thick and when I wore it out, all people could say was, “Wow! You’ve got a lot of hair.” Thank God my mom kept my hair and my sisters’ hair in its natural state. She just lined us up in the mornings and braided our hair before school. I usually ended up with two, long ponytails, which my white friends loved to touch and play with because my hair felt different from theirs.

When you grow up with the image of a very white skinned, Blonde, thin, fragile woman as the epitome of beauty, and you were born with brown skin, thick lips, thick hips and kinky hair you internalize those feelings of being less than beautiful and on the outside of what the culture considers to be attractive.

As a mom now, I am thrilled at all that is available to celebrate the beauty of our young Black daughters. I am happy that my girls are growing up in a world with an African-American president with two beautiful little girls and an amazing wife–something that I never dreamed I’d see in my lifetime. Now there are images in the media of beautiful, strong, intelligent, creative Black women to inspire young girls. They can grow up with more than just the visual image of a skinny white model to compare themselves to.

An amazing website that celebrates the beauty, accomplishments and special challenges that Black girls face in this culture is called Afro Puffs and Ponytails. One of my clients created this website that has grown into an incredible resource for organizations that serve young Black women and their parents.

On Afro Puffs and Ponytails you’ll find a state-by state listing of programs for African American girls, African American high achievers, photos, articles about hair and skin care, parenting advice and words of encouragement.

People have argued about there should not be a special website just for African American girls. It’s not about racism or excluding girls from other races, it’s about celebrating young women who have been ignored and who have been compared in an unfavorable light to other cultural stereotypes in the past. Yes, we should all live and work and play together. That’s a given, but AfroPuffs and Ponytails is there to inspire those girls who might sometimes feel on the outside of things and who might benefit from being inspired by other young African American women who are doing amazing things in this world.

As a Black woman who did not grow up in a world where Afro Puffs and Ponytails were celebrated, I can enjoy and embrace a website that has nothing but images of beautiful, Black girls. It’s almost like the little Black girl inside of me is cheering because she finally feels validated.

My girls and I love this website, and I’ve been talking about it whenever I get the chance. If you’re an African American woman with daughters, check this site out, and then encourage your daughters to visit as well. Every time I browse through the pages I smile and it makes me so proud to be a Black woman.

I just got back from attending the She Writes DC Meet Up that was held this evening at Teaism, Penn Quarter in D.C. It was hosted by Ananda Leeke, and in addition to myself there was another woman writer in attendance named Beandrea Terese. We had a lively conversation about our lives as writers, how we make a living as writers and how we balance writing with the rest of our lives.

We held a book swap amongst us, and there occurred a wonderful synchronicity when both Beandrea and I brought Anne Lamott books to swap. Since Ananda has not yes read any of Lamott’s work, and Beandrea and I were both fans, we spoke about our favorites.

I am so glad that I took the time to come out of the house and drive into downtown D.C. to attend this meetup. I received some inspiration and encouragement and it made me feel happy and proud to be a Black woman writer at this moment in time in D.C. I became aware of how important it is for each of us to tell our stories and to read the stories that each of us write.

So, if you are a woman writer, I recommend that you join shewrites.com and attend a meetup in your local area. What? You don’t see one scheduled? Create your own meetup. It’s a great way to network with other writers, and to get some much-needed inspiration to keep those creative energies flowing.

Last night I made a guest appearance on a personal development podcast called, ‘Reinvent U One Talk at a Time,’ with co-hosts, Diana McCray and Patricia Rivera. This is a Blog Talk Radio show created by two women who are coaches and business development and personal development rock stars. The guests on their show all seem to be women who come from a spiritual perspective, which really resonated with me.

Normally, I’d be a completely nervous wreck before going on a live radio show, but I took the time to meditate first and get grounded and then I just relaxed and let it all go. On Monday night I totally nailed my first Toastmasters speech, so I felt like I was on a roll. That accomplishment really gave me an amazing amount of confidence, so I felt comfortable and excited for the opportunity to share my message.

The cool part is that I got thrown for a loop towards the end of the call. You see, as a courtesy, interviewers often send you a list of the questions they will ask you so that you can be prepared with answers. Well, one of the questions they asked was different than the advance questions, so I had to come up with some answers off the top of my head. I managed to pull it off and then I was able to read the answers that I had prepared initially.

It went well and I was thrilled to no end. I was observing this morning as I was sipping my tea, that all of the things that I have been envisioning, dreaming, planning and praying for are coming to fruition right now. It’s really quite challenging to keep up with everything that is coming my way, but I have not forgotten that I have been blessed to be a blessing to others.

When I get a better handle on the huge influx of work that is on my plate right now, I am going to start leading some workshops in my local area. I just attended a lovely workshop tonight at a local branch library put on by one of my Toastmasters colleagues. He totally inspired me to host some workshops to share my gifts and knowledge with my neighbors.

So, I’ll end by asking you what do you have to give? How can you be of service to your community but using your gifts and skills? I have found that the best way to move forward in life is to help other people to move forward. You have been blessed to be a blessing.

This week marks the first anniversary of my dad’s death. I am approaching this day with what feels like a burbling witch’s brew of emotions brewing within me. I loved my dad dearly, but our relationship with him was complicated. He was a good man, but there was no halo over his head. In his younger days he made some choices that had a negative impact on our family, but he changed his life. In the past 20 years we have worked hard at mending our relationship. I will always be grateful that we took the time to patch things up and restore our relationship. When he dies there were no regrets and nothing left unsaid between the two of us.

But there is a battle raging between my heart and head with regard to these feelings of grief. As a Christian woman, I know that Daddy is safe in heaven in the arms of Jesus. He no longer has to stress over paying the bills, losing weight and he is in perfect health and happiness. My head says that I should be happy for him and rejoice that he has made his transition to heaven, but my heart is grieving the loss of a sweet man who was a good friend to me and took up a great amount of space in my life.

Daddy was funny, smart and full of excellent advice that he somehow was not always able to follow himself. He had a wicked sense of humor, and there were times when we would laugh until we both ended up in tears.

You might be wondering why I called this post, ‘The Gift of Grief,’ when most people don’t exactly view grief as a good thing. But it occurred to me that you really only grieve for someone that you truly love. The deeper the love the deeper the grief. Getting to the other side where there is acceptance and peace and joy can give you strength and it has given me a profound sense of compassion for the suffering of others.

This week as these conflicting emotions move through me, as I weep and laugh, feel anger and betrayal and then, hopefully, experience the joy and peace, I know that my dad is always with me. I know that he knows how much I love him and miss him in my life.

A year ago when my grief was still so new and raw– in those days when the ‘ugly cry’ turned to heaving sobs, I turned to the section on birth and death in Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

This is one of many of my favorite passages in this wonderful book that gave me so much peace during such a troubled time for me:

There is an art to grieving. To grieve well the loss of anyone or anything–a parent, a love, a child, and era, a home, a job–is a creative act. It takes attention and patience and courage. But many of us do not know how to grieve. We were never taught, and we don’t see examples of full-bodied grieving around us. Our culture favors the fast-food model of mourning–get over it quick and get back to work; affix the bandage of “closure” and move on.

I am not a big fan of “closure.” It sounds so abrupt, so tidy, so final. I prefer old-fashioned words like mourning, lamentation and grief. They suggest a slow and sloppy process–one that involves emotional upheaval, interrupted activity and dark nights of the soul.

I don’t ascribe to the notion of closure either. Having survived a year of the most profound grief I have ever experienced has left me a stronger, more compassionate person who has learned to cherish loved ones and take nothing for granted.

I’ve just finished tying my shoes, I’ve had a long drink of water and I’m ready to hit the road. It’s just before six am on a hot summer morning and I’m waiting a few more minutes for a little bit more daylight before I go on my morning walk. Finally, I see streaks of light in the sky and the dawn gives way to morning. I can still see the moon shining brightly as I head up the hill. Streaks of pink decorate the soft, hazy clouds. The air is hot and damp. The oppressive humidity holds no movement–not a single breeze to cool my face which is already damp with sweat.

Sometimes I walk with my ipod headphones in my ears. I usually listen to podcasts or my upbeat workout music. But this morning I leave aside the ear buds and walk in silence. My feet already know the pace that will allow me to achieve my ideal heart rate. This morning I am going to do a walking meditation, which is a mindfulness exercise where I focus in on my breath but also on every movement of my body. My attention zeroes in on the way my heels strike the earth purposefully and with a specific rhythm. Rolling forward the rest of my foot strikes the earth one by one propelling my body forward. I can feel my strong ankles and the muscles in my calves flexing and receding with every step. The ball and socket in my hip where each leg joins up with the pelvic bone allows for a fluid motion for each step. With each swig of my arms I can feel a gentle twist in my waist and my strong shoulders are squared as they support my neck and head.

Tuning in to the subtle movements of the body and witnessing the breath moving in and out is a way to quiet the mind and ground the body’s energy. I enjoy walking meditation because it is active. Sitting meditation has always been a bit of a challenge for me. My monkey mind seldom seems to want to settle down enough so that I can achieve a meditative state easily. One those occasions when I can successfully sit in meditation it’s a like a rare, treasured gift.

In addition to being beneficial for the mind and spirit, walking meditation also helps keep the physical body healthy and fit. Walking is a great way to burn fat, increase circulation and trim and tone your muscles. It’s important to walk at a fast enough pace that you are huffing and puffing a bit, but you can still talk.

If you think you might want to try walking meditation, but you think you might not be able to maintain focus on your breath, or on your body’s movements there are some guided meditations that you can listen to as you walk to get you used to a more mindful approach rather than just allowing your thoughts to wander off unfettered. Once you’ve done the guided meditations for awhile it’s good to take the time to practice silent walking meditation. It’s amazing how quickly you discover how undisciplined your mind has become, and you’ll be surprised that with just a bit of consistent effort, you can train your mind to focus and get clear. Try to remember who’s in charge here.

Sharon Salzberg’s Walking Meditations
http://bit.ly/as0cN6

Buddhist Guided Walking Meditation
http://bit.ly/aL87fy

Walking Meditation for Presence, Relaxation and Aliveness
3 Guided Meditations by Mary Maddux
http://bit.ly/dw4JUJ

Have you ever tried walking meditation? Please feel free to share your experiences by leaving a comment.

Last evening I attended my first Toastmasters meeting since my college days. The first meeting I attended back in the day was an assignment for speech class, but this time I went of my own accord because I would like to brush up on my public speaking skills and get more comfortable speaking in front of an audience and groups again. I don’t have the fear of public speaking that many people are plagued with, and I thank God for that. When I was in college, there were several occasions where I gave speeches, and I actually enjoyed it.

On one occasion, when I was speaking at a Black History Month event, I remember that the audience began to smile and chuckle, but I was a bit disconcerted because what I was speaking about was not necessarily funny. It turns out that my daughter, who was about 2 1/2 at the time, had escaped my mother’s grasp and had crept up to the podium and she wrapped herself around my leg and stayed there for the duration of my speech.

The other day when I was chatting with a client about ways that she could prepare herself for public speaking, I recommended that she try Toastmasters. As I was describing this national organization that was formed as a way to help people develop their public speaking and leadership skills, I realized that maybe I needed to re-visit Toastmasters for myself.

Because I was already familiar with what Toastmasters is all about, I just went to the national website and did a search on my zip code. Turns out there are hundreds of Toastmasters chapters in the D.C. area, but there is also one that meets about three blocks from my house at a church on Pennsylvania Avenue. So, last night I ventured out and paid this meeting a visit. It’s a small club with just 21 members, but only about 9 people were in attendance last night. I felt welcomed to the group, I was invited to speak on two occasions, and I was thrilled to witness the installation of their new slate of officers for the year.

This group seems very supportive and I think that it will be a good place for me to get back on my feet and feeling at ease behind the podium again. I would like to get back into public speaking, and I could also add speech writing to my repertoire of services for my clients. I do, however, still plan to visit another Toastmaster’s group that meets in downtown D.C. that has more of a corporate focus. I really want to stretch myself, and this group feel very nurturing–I mean they meet in the fellowship hall at a church for goodness sake. In order to get the constructive criticism and exposure to a tougher audience, I may want to check out another group to see what I find.

Of course, I’ll keep you posted on what I decide, but I’m eager to get going now that I have been exposed to this fabulous opportunity to grow and develop my skills and abilities.

I just got back from a Yoga class and I am feeling especially yummy and blissful. My client and friend, Pattie Cinelli, teaches a fabulous Sunday afternoon Vinyasa Flow Yoga class on Sunday afternoons at Results on Capitol Hill.

She started us out with a nice, long warm-up of deep stretches and careful attention to form. Following the warm-up we moved into a surya namaskar series (sun salutations) and then a nice Vinyasa flow where you use your breath to move from one pose to the next. It was so gratifying to feel the difference in how open my hips and shoulders were from one series to the next.

Pattie is a fabulous teacher with over 25 years of experience as a yoga teacher and fitness trainer. What I enjoy about working with Pattie is that she approaches fitness from a mindful, spiritual place. She tells us to do our Yoga form the inside out and to remember that the purpose of the practice is to quiet and center the mind not to twist the body into impossible contortions.

Now I am home preparing a simple supper of curried fish, steamed corn and Broccoli and as I move through preparing this meal that will feed my physical body the pungent aromas and the anticipation of the delicious, exotic flavors also nourishes my soul. Doing Yoga reminds me to focus in and be mindful of my breath, my movements, my intentions and even my words.

Yoga is just one part of my self-care regimen. I love how it serves so many of my needs all at once. It thoroughly relaxes and centers me, it works my body and it feeds my spiritual connection to the Divine within. When I take this time away from my girls and my life it fulfills and renews me so that when I return I have more to give after having replenished the well.