Brnwebgrrl

This week marks the first anniversary of my dad’s death. I am approaching this day with what feels like a burbling witch’s brew of emotions brewing within me. I loved my dad dearly, but our relationship with him was complicated. He was a good man, but there was no halo over his head. In his younger days he made some choices that had a negative impact on our family, but he changed his life. In the past 20 years we have worked hard at mending our relationship. I will always be grateful that we took the time to patch things up and restore our relationship. When he dies there were no regrets and nothing left unsaid between the two of us.

But there is a battle raging between my heart and head with regard to these feelings of grief. As a Christian woman, I know that Daddy is safe in heaven in the arms of Jesus. He no longer has to stress over paying the bills, losing weight and he is in perfect health and happiness. My head says that I should be happy for him and rejoice that he has made his transition to heaven, but my heart is grieving the loss of a sweet man who was a good friend to me and took up a great amount of space in my life.

Daddy was funny, smart and full of excellent advice that he somehow was not always able to follow himself. He had a wicked sense of humor, and there were times when we would laugh until we both ended up in tears.

You might be wondering why I called this post, ‘The Gift of Grief,’ when most people don’t exactly view grief as a good thing. But it occurred to me that you really only grieve for someone that you truly love. The deeper the love the deeper the grief. Getting to the other side where there is acceptance and peace and joy can give you strength and it has given me a profound sense of compassion for the suffering of others.

This week as these conflicting emotions move through me, as I weep and laugh, feel anger and betrayal and then, hopefully, experience the joy and peace, I know that my dad is always with me. I know that he knows how much I love him and miss him in my life.

A year ago when my grief was still so new and raw– in those days when the ‘ugly cry’ turned to heaving sobs, I turned to the section on birth and death in Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

This is one of many of my favorite passages in this wonderful book that gave me so much peace during such a troubled time for me:

There is an art to grieving. To grieve well the loss of anyone or anything–a parent, a love, a child, and era, a home, a job–is a creative act. It takes attention and patience and courage. But many of us do not know how to grieve. We were never taught, and we don’t see examples of full-bodied grieving around us. Our culture favors the fast-food model of mourning–get over it quick and get back to work; affix the bandage of “closure” and move on.

I am not a big fan of “closure.” It sounds so abrupt, so tidy, so final. I prefer old-fashioned words like mourning, lamentation and grief. They suggest a slow and sloppy process–one that involves emotional upheaval, interrupted activity and dark nights of the soul.

I don’t ascribe to the notion of closure either. Having survived a year of the most profound grief I have ever experienced has left me a stronger, more compassionate person who has learned to cherish loved ones and take nothing for granted.

I’ve just finished tying my shoes, I’ve had a long drink of water and I’m ready to hit the road. It’s just before six am on a hot summer morning and I’m waiting a few more minutes for a little bit more daylight before I go on my morning walk. Finally, I see streaks of light in the sky and the dawn gives way to morning. I can still see the moon shining brightly as I head up the hill. Streaks of pink decorate the soft, hazy clouds. The air is hot and damp. The oppressive humidity holds no movement–not a single breeze to cool my face which is already damp with sweat.

Sometimes I walk with my ipod headphones in my ears. I usually listen to podcasts or my upbeat workout music. But this morning I leave aside the ear buds and walk in silence. My feet already know the pace that will allow me to achieve my ideal heart rate. This morning I am going to do a walking meditation, which is a mindfulness exercise where I focus in on my breath but also on every movement of my body. My attention zeroes in on the way my heels strike the earth purposefully and with a specific rhythm. Rolling forward the rest of my foot strikes the earth one by one propelling my body forward. I can feel my strong ankles and the muscles in my calves flexing and receding with every step. The ball and socket in my hip where each leg joins up with the pelvic bone allows for a fluid motion for each step. With each swig of my arms I can feel a gentle twist in my waist and my strong shoulders are squared as they support my neck and head.

Tuning in to the subtle movements of the body and witnessing the breath moving in and out is a way to quiet the mind and ground the body’s energy. I enjoy walking meditation because it is active. Sitting meditation has always been a bit of a challenge for me. My monkey mind seldom seems to want to settle down enough so that I can achieve a meditative state easily. One those occasions when I can successfully sit in meditation it’s a like a rare, treasured gift.

In addition to being beneficial for the mind and spirit, walking meditation also helps keep the physical body healthy and fit. Walking is a great way to burn fat, increase circulation and trim and tone your muscles. It’s important to walk at a fast enough pace that you are huffing and puffing a bit, but you can still talk.

If you think you might want to try walking meditation, but you think you might not be able to maintain focus on your breath, or on your body’s movements there are some guided meditations that you can listen to as you walk to get you used to a more mindful approach rather than just allowing your thoughts to wander off unfettered. Once you’ve done the guided meditations for awhile it’s good to take the time to practice silent walking meditation. It’s amazing how quickly you discover how undisciplined your mind has become, and you’ll be surprised that with just a bit of consistent effort, you can train your mind to focus and get clear. Try to remember who’s in charge here.

Sharon Salzberg’s Walking Meditations
http://bit.ly/as0cN6

Buddhist Guided Walking Meditation
http://bit.ly/aL87fy

Walking Meditation for Presence, Relaxation and Aliveness
3 Guided Meditations by Mary Maddux
http://bit.ly/dw4JUJ

Have you ever tried walking meditation? Please feel free to share your experiences by leaving a comment.

Last evening I attended my first Toastmasters meeting since my college days. The first meeting I attended back in the day was an assignment for speech class, but this time I went of my own accord because I would like to brush up on my public speaking skills and get more comfortable speaking in front of an audience and groups again. I don’t have the fear of public speaking that many people are plagued with, and I thank God for that. When I was in college, there were several occasions where I gave speeches, and I actually enjoyed it.

On one occasion, when I was speaking at a Black History Month event, I remember that the audience began to smile and chuckle, but I was a bit disconcerted because what I was speaking about was not necessarily funny. It turns out that my daughter, who was about 2 1/2 at the time, had escaped my mother’s grasp and had crept up to the podium and she wrapped herself around my leg and stayed there for the duration of my speech.

The other day when I was chatting with a client about ways that she could prepare herself for public speaking, I recommended that she try Toastmasters. As I was describing this national organization that was formed as a way to help people develop their public speaking and leadership skills, I realized that maybe I needed to re-visit Toastmasters for myself.

Because I was already familiar with what Toastmasters is all about, I just went to the national website and did a search on my zip code. Turns out there are hundreds of Toastmasters chapters in the D.C. area, but there is also one that meets about three blocks from my house at a church on Pennsylvania Avenue. So, last night I ventured out and paid this meeting a visit. It’s a small club with just 21 members, but only about 9 people were in attendance last night. I felt welcomed to the group, I was invited to speak on two occasions, and I was thrilled to witness the installation of their new slate of officers for the year.

This group seems very supportive and I think that it will be a good place for me to get back on my feet and feeling at ease behind the podium again. I would like to get back into public speaking, and I could also add speech writing to my repertoire of services for my clients. I do, however, still plan to visit another Toastmaster’s group that meets in downtown D.C. that has more of a corporate focus. I really want to stretch myself, and this group feel very nurturing–I mean they meet in the fellowship hall at a church for goodness sake. In order to get the constructive criticism and exposure to a tougher audience, I may want to check out another group to see what I find.

Of course, I’ll keep you posted on what I decide, but I’m eager to get going now that I have been exposed to this fabulous opportunity to grow and develop my skills and abilities.

I just got back from a Yoga class and I am feeling especially yummy and blissful. My client and friend, Pattie Cinelli, teaches a fabulous Sunday afternoon Vinyasa Flow Yoga class on Sunday afternoons at Results on Capitol Hill.

She started us out with a nice, long warm-up of deep stretches and careful attention to form. Following the warm-up we moved into a surya namaskar series (sun salutations) and then a nice Vinyasa flow where you use your breath to move from one pose to the next. It was so gratifying to feel the difference in how open my hips and shoulders were from one series to the next.

Pattie is a fabulous teacher with over 25 years of experience as a yoga teacher and fitness trainer. What I enjoy about working with Pattie is that she approaches fitness from a mindful, spiritual place. She tells us to do our Yoga form the inside out and to remember that the purpose of the practice is to quiet and center the mind not to twist the body into impossible contortions.

Now I am home preparing a simple supper of curried fish, steamed corn and Broccoli and as I move through preparing this meal that will feed my physical body the pungent aromas and the anticipation of the delicious, exotic flavors also nourishes my soul. Doing Yoga reminds me to focus in and be mindful of my breath, my movements, my intentions and even my words.

Yoga is just one part of my self-care regimen. I love how it serves so many of my needs all at once. It thoroughly relaxes and centers me, it works my body and it feeds my spiritual connection to the Divine within. When I take this time away from my girls and my life it fulfills and renews me so that when I return I have more to give after having replenished the well.

Live Your Bliss: Practices that Produce Happiness and Prosperity
By Terry Cole-Whittaker
Published 2009 by New World Library

I first learned about Live Your Bliss, by Terry Cole-Whitaker, while listening to the Theater of the Mind Podcast by Kelley Howell. After listening to Kelley’s engaging interview with Ms. Cole-Whitaker, I went out and bought the book and devoured it eagerly.

Live Your Bliss: Practices that Produce Happiness and Prosperity, is both a spiritual/inspirational book and a practical guide to living the life you intend in a blissful way. Cole-Whitaker writes about “living in the abundant flow of divine bliss and opulence,” that is out birthright, but our own self-impose limiting beliefs keep us from tapping into that flow of prosperity.

Chapter four, “Prosper and Live Blissfully by Doing What You Love,” was one that I really enjoyed because it really put the concept of prosperity and abundance in perspective for me. Cole-Whitaker writes about the fact that we are already prosperity. It is not something that we need to go out and work hard to acquire. She also reminds her readers that, “. . . working for money makes money your boss, but working for love makes love your boss.”

Each of the eight chapters ends with ‘Happiness and Prosperity Practices’ and ‘Prosperity Mantras,’ that help the reader to take the concepts and ideas from the book and put them into action in your daily life.

Chapter five focuses on relationships. The author reminds the reader that we are all love, and that we do not get love from outside of ourselves or from other people. She encourages her readers to offer the gift of unconditional love, which is the greatest gift we can give to another human being. She shares seven actions that lead to becoming a master at the art of relationships.

She ends the book with a chapter called, ‘Entrance into the Realm of Divine Pleasures’ which encourages the reader to take responsibility for the world they have created, and to discipline their minds so that they can begin to co-create a world on purpose. She writes about the new world that is evolving and the various ways to develop your spiritual consciousness.

Terry Cole-Whittaker is also well known for her previous books, What You Think of Me is None of My Business, Dare to Be Great, How to Have More in a Have-Not World, and others. She is also a minister, counselor and teacher.

I enjoyed reading Live Your Bliss, because the material is presented in such a way that encourages the reader to actually put what they learn into practice in their everyday lives. You would like this book if you are looking to strengthen your spiritual foundations and you are really focusing on finding a way to prosper from the things that you are passionate about.

Here’s a link to a .PDF that contains an excerpt of the Live Your Bliss
book.

On Saturday I received my atunement for Reiki I. I attended a class of just four people in the home of my Reiki Master, Claudio. I have wanted to learn Reiki ever since I learned about it a few years ago, but I also heard that it was very expensive to take the training. Claudio and I were at a business networking lunch when Reiki came up in the conversation and he mentioned that he was a Reiki master and that he might be teaching a class soon. I told him to let me know when his next class would be scheduled, and he did.

There were three others in my class, but Claudio did the atunements in private in his healing room. When it was my turn I had an amazing experience, which is impossible to really capture in words. All that I can say is that I felt the energy come through and I have been literally transformed by it. At first I felt a buzz–like the kind you feel when you’ve had a bit too much caffeine, but no racing heartbeat. I could not sit down and I felt like my body could not contain this expansive energy.

After each of us received our atunements we all shared about our experiences, and then we each received a group healing session. Each participant received healing from the other three participants and Claudio. As I laid hands on my fellow students I could feel the energy moving through and I could feel it swirling around in the room among us.

When it was my turn to receive the healing, Claudio adjusted and refined the flow of energy I was receiving and I felt this tremendous feeling of peaceful calm. That super-high frequency of energy was dissipated and I felt grounded yet light as a feather. One of my classmates said that while she had her hands on me she kept seeing the vision of roses floating all around me, which was right on because roses are my favorite flower, and I have a bouquet of pink roses on my table right now.

I could not wait to get home and tell my girls about my powerful experience. I did my first hands-on healing session with my 12-year-old. It felt as though I had become a channel of pure, unconditional love. I could feel the energy flowing through me into her body. I did not prompt her or tell her what might happen, and when I was finished I asked her what she felt and she said, “it felt a little bit warm and a little bit tingly.”

Receiving my Reiki I atunement was an awesome experience and a precious gift from the Universe. I look forward to learning more about Reiki and practicing it on myself and on my girls so that I will get better at it as time goes on. I plan to do Reiki II and III as well because I would love to be able to share this awesome gift with others.

As we celebrate the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, I took a minute to assess what my contribution is to keeping the earth green and being kind to our Mother Earth. I think that of all the ways I work toward being supportive of the earth–conserving water, driving a very fuel efficient vehicle and limiting my trips, conserving electricity and teaching my children to recycle by using cloth bags instead of plastic, cloth napkins in place of paper towels, etc. Despite these practices that I think most people are already doing, it is my belief that being a vegetarian is my most important contribution to the health of this planet.

I found this lovely quote about becoming a vegetarian by Paul McCartney,

“If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat. That’s the single most important thing you can do.”

Almost 15 years ago I became a vegetarian purely for health reasons. It started as a 30-day experiment, which after I felt so much better in the first ten days I decided to make the change permanent before the 30 days was up. When I stopped eating meat I felt so much clarity. I got this burst of energy, I felt vibrant and more alive if that makes any sense. I lost about ten pounds in that first month effortlessly and I slept better than I ever had.

I understand that God has given each of us free will. We each get to choose our path and live with the consequences of our choices, so I resist the urge to evangelize about vegetarianism. I just tell people how good it has been for me, and I let them make their own choices. Even my own children have chosen to not be vegetarian, and that is fine with me. Living in my household, they eat a largely vegetarian diet by default because I will not buy or cook any raw meat in my house. I don’t even like to walk by the meat counter in the grocery store.

All I want to do here is present the facts about my experience with becoming a veg, and the damage that meat production is doing to this planet, and what a massive, earth-changing decision it is to become a vegetarian.

What are the benefits of being a vegetarian?

Save the earth
Since it’s earth day I’ll start with saving the earth. “More than half of the water used in the United States today goes to animal agriculture, and since farmed animals produce 130 times more excrement than the human population, the run-off from their waste is fouling our waterways.” -goveg.com

-Animal waste poisons air, land and water and the gases from animal excrement is one of the largest contributors to global warming.

-70 percent of the grain (corn, wheat, etc.) grown in the U.S. goes to feed meat producing animals

-It takes eight times as much water to produce a pound of beef than it takes to produce a loaf of bread (Wall Street Journal)

Save your health

A plant-based diet is the healthiest diet for humans. The big three ‘lifestyle diseases,’ diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease are caused by too much saturated fat and cholesterol in our arteries from eating animals. The fastest way to reverse these diseases is to put the person on a vegetarian diet.

Meat eaters are at increased risk for several diseases such as obesity, strokes, arthritis, Alzheimers and others.

Save the animals

Animals were not created simply to fill our pots and our bellies. I firmly believe that if more Americans were responsible for killing and preparing the meat that they eat, they would eat less of it if not become vegetarian. Most people do not want to know how their meat arrives at their table. They close their eyes to the slaughter of millions of chickens, cows, pigs, and turkeys as they bite down on their juicy hamburgers, or fried chicken legs.

Each person who becomes a vegetarian will on average save 100 animals per year from slaughter.

So, when you get down to it, it’s pretty simple. Just stop eating meat. I know that there are people who take too much pleasure in eating meat to stop altogether, so maybe try going a whole week without eating meat, and then a whole month and see how it feels.

Eating a plant-based diet is good for you, it’s good for the earth and it saves the lives of animals. It’s a win-win-win!

If you want to give the vegetarian lifestyle a try even for a single day, here are some resources for you:

Recommended Reading:

http://www.goveg.com/vegetarian101.asp

http://www.vegetariantimes.com/

http://www.vegsoc.org/

I’m thrilled to call myself a professional writer. I am also thrilled to be finally earning my keep by the written word. For years when I worked another ‘day job’ in order to pay the bills my heart was not really in it. I yearned for a way to make my living through expressing myself and sharing my writing with the world.

My first step was this blog–actually an earlier version of this blog that I started in the fall of 1998, which was before the term ‘blog’ had even come into existence. That blog became a fabulous creative outlet for me and it allowed me to create a bit of a community with other writers and my visitors.

Now that writing for clients is my livelihood, I don’t want to lose that love and passion for it. I still keep a hand written journal, and I keep this blog to write about my take on the world, share my insights and musings and sound off when I need to. But sometimes I notice that when I write a lot on this blog or on Facebook and Twitter, it steals some of the passion from my personal journal practice.

I was listening to on of my favorite podcasts, Tranquility du Jour, and the hostess, Kimberly Wilson was discussing this phenomenon with her guest, Samara O’Shea, who is also a writer. Ms. O’Shea has written books about journaling and letter writing–two of my great loves. Listening to this episode was a gentle reminder that the hand written word should never get lost in the shuffle of iPhones, Twitter and Facebook. We should remember to take some time for quiet solitude where we can ‘unplug’ and write longhand in a journal and enjoy life as it is in each moment.

I love social media because I believe that it fulfills the promise of the Internet’s potential to bring people together, but I also closely guard my journal writing time, and taking the time to hand write letters to the people that I love.

So, don’t let email and Facebook messages take the place of writing letters and keeping a journal. Writing letters is a wonderful way to keep in touch with those you love in a very personal, intimate way. Keeping a journal is a way to keep in touch with yourself as you are right in this moment. I have 2 boxes of journals that I have kept since I was 14 years old. Every now and then I enjoy cracking one open and stepping into the life I was leading when I wrote that entry.

Life is short, but your life is precious and worth recording. Take a moment and write it down.

Yesterday, I attended the Baltimore Natural Hair Care Expo in Baltimore with a friend who also wears her hair natural. For my non-Black peeps, ‘natural’ for Black folk, refers to those of us who choose to not use chemicals to alter the natural texture of our hair. We let the natural texture that God blessed us with shine forth proudly.

The show took place at the Pikesville Hilton, and it looked like they got a nice crowd. There were so many people moving through that show that in places it was difficult to move around. But it was just lovely to be in the presence of so many other people who are embracing natural hair styles. I don’t think I’ve ever been in the same room with so many other people who had dreadlocs!

I collected a bunch of business cards, got some free samples of products I’d like to try and Rae and I both got a hand treatment using Ginger & Brown Sugar polish by Adiva. It felt just blissful on my hands as the sugar crystals gently exfoliated the dead skin from my hands and left them feeling silky smooth and moisturized. I will be snagging a jar of that stuff.

I met Pam, from Koils by Nature in person and thanked her for her lovely skin and hair care products that I ordered online from her. I found her on Facebook, and what drew me to her was her goal of getting on the Oprah Winfrey show. I recommend the Sweet Almond Joy body butter. It smells great, and leaves your skin feeling nourished and moist without feeling greasy.

We met authors, travel agents and natural/wellness providers as well. There is a similar event coming up in DC in April, so all of my local, natural peeps might want to check it out:http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=262414266330&index=1

I awakened this morning to the sounds of the National Anthem being played over a P.A. system coming through my open window. I live a block form the course of the National Marathon that is going on today. While I love a good Marathon, it’s a bummer because I get trapped in my neighborhood–at least trapped from going into downtown–until about 2pm. And then when they re-open the streets, it’s absolute bedlam. Oy!

But maybe this year I will walk down to the course and cheer them on. These are people who are undertaking a great challenge and I wish that all of them could win. They’ve got picture perfect weather this year. It’s a nice and cool 47 degrees this morning and this afternoon’s high will be 74. By the time the majority of the runners reach the finish line it will be close to 60 degrees.

I’ve had a good week this week. I interviewed a promising new client, and made some good progress working on my own sites. On Thursday, I attended a local small business networking lunch where I made some good contacts and possibly got some good leads. I plan to attend more of their events because I really need to get out of the house more and interact with other human beings. Working from home has made me a bit of a hermit and I’m not liking it.

So, this spring my goal is to find at least one networking event each week to attend, which will give me some good local exposure and the chance to get out and talk to people and find out what’s on their minds.

While I have not been getting out of the house a lot, I do spend a good deal of time on Facebook. I use it for myself and for my clients, so I’m there a couple of times a day. I met this great guy named Avram Gonzales, who lives in Colorado and has embarked on this campaign that he is calling ‘Inspiraction,’ where he does something different each day and films it on his little camera. This is the video that drew me to him:

I just love his ebullient energy and his passion for living. At my age, I’m not going to be engaging in some of the activities that he does, but he is inspiring me nonetheless to not fall into becoming a stodgy old woman at the age of 42. He is inspiring me to get out there and do something different.

Have a fabulous week and figure out a way to do something different that shakes you out of your rut and shows you something that you’ve never seen about yourself before.